I feel like I'm living out one of my anxiety dreams right now. Not the one where I'm falling off a cliff and I wake up jumping in the bed. And not the one where I'm back in high school in class and suddenly realize I'm naked. And not the one, and I'm the only person I'm aware of that has this recurring dream, that I'm trying to drive my car from the back seat. I usually have a car full of kids, I can miraculously but barely reach the pedals and steering wheel and I'm terrified that I will crash because I have little to no control. Nope, not that one either. It's the one where everyone around me can run, and there's an urgent need to run, but I can't move my legs. I don't know why I can't move my legs right now.
I have this thing about chronological order. I've always been very good with it, it's kind of my calling. I have chronicled the past 20 years of my life in scrapbooks using chronological order. If you took one of my fat scrapbooks (labeled by the year, of course) off the shelves in my living room, you would learn exactly what our family was up to that year in January first of all, then February, then there would be our Spring Break trip in March....and so on. All of them end in December. Pictures, journals, brochures, tickets, memorabilia, the works! I'm very proud of them.
But all of that organizational energy is gone from me right now. I want to pull up pictures of our fabulous trip we took in the jeep to Colorado this summer and put it on my blog. But it was months ago now. And I can't think of a good reason to bring it up now. And it would take too much thinking and that just isn't my strong suit lately. I can only manage to blog about what takes the least amount of concentration.
So one of these days, in a burst of creative energy, I'm going to pull that vacation up from out of nowhere and blog about it. And it will be WAY out of chronological order, and that will bother me. You all think I'm random thought person, but I'm not. My random thoughts have order to them!
For now, though......I don't know. I didn't even do Christmas cards for the first time in some 20 years, and I'm a little ashamed of that. It's a funk, I guess. And I'm attempting to get out of it. I have surgery to remove gallstones this week, and I'm sort of looking at that as a point to start getting back on track with everything. Here's hoping!
